He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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