I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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