two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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