I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
