New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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