Just fell off a train. Bad.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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