WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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