I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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