He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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