she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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