my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
