Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
