Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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