So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
