Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
