I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
