It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
