Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
