Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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