yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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