One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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