Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
