You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
