I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
this just has baby written all over it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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