do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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