Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
