Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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