My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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