Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
