The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
