the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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