You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
