that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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