Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
