1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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