Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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