Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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