Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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