I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she woke up with a sticky ear
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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