my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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