Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize