The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
