No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
