why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
