so explain again why im purple
no
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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