Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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