i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
