I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
