I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
