We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
