It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
