you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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