The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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