Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
