I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
