my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
