True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize