How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
