So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize